let's get chaotic

Three words: Beck. And. Call. There's no such thing as a "beckon call."  Beck. And. Call.

The usage of Mom, mom, Dad, and dad is getting all crazy on the internets.  Capital-letter Mom or Dad refers to the nickname you call your parent, when you are referring to him or her as that nickname.

"I am going to the store with Mom and Dad."

"Hey, Mom, can you help me with my math homework?"

"I am going to rake leaves with Dad this weekend."

Lower-case mom or dad refers to the noun short for "mother" and "father," respectively.  Used most often with a personal pronoun.

"I saw your mom and dad at the store."

"My dad helped me with my math homework."

"The meeting is only for the moms and dads."

 I am seriously considering reverting from being a Mac to being a PC.

Because here's the deal--while PC software is shitty and easily corruptable, Mac hardware is built on design, not function, breaks easily, and is ridiculously expensive to replace.  I spent $300 earlier this summer refurbishing my iBook, and now the power cord is burned out.  I'm on my third power cord in five years for this laptop.  There was actually a class-action lawsuit about these power cords because they suck so much--one of the three I've gotten was part of the settlement.

I have been told by many people that you can go to the Apple store, tell a sad story, shed some tears if you can, and you are often sent home with a free new whatever--in this case, a new power cord, but I have heard of this happening with everything from mice to iPod Touches.

Now, here's the thing.  That's all well and good when you feel like you've conned your way into a free iPod, but that's not how customer service is supposed to work.  Apple is like one step away from having really good customer service, which is where something broke, it wasn't your fault, we know there's a problem with this particular hardware, so here, take a new one. We're really sorry.  Instead, they have that policy, but you have to embarrass yourself to do it?  Nuh-uh.  I am not going to go down there and cry like a little girl.

I have talking points.

1. The power cord burned out.  This is the third power cord I've had for this laptop--another burned out and the one before that frayed.  I know you know this is a bad design; that's why you totally changed the power cord for the MacBooks.

2. I can't afford to buy a new power cord.

3. With the money I'd have to use to buy a new power cord, I could put that money toward a brand-new HP Netbook, which retails for $279 and runs on Linux.

4. Just saying, I have an HP for work, and even though Apple scared me into thinking it was going to be a piece of shit, it actually runs really, really well.

5. Basically what it boils down to is that if you don't help me out here, I won't be able to use my iBook ever again, which means I'll need a new laptop soon, and I can guarantee you I'll never buy another Apple again.

Anybody got other suggestions?

 I am under the impression that while a from-scratch layer cake or cupcakes are significantly better than storebought or from-a-box, brownies from a box are basically the best they're going to get.

But in the future, I want to learn how to make better brownies, particularly--

Brownies with raspberry filling

Blondies, like the kind you can get at Potbelly (holy God, so delicious)

Peanut butter brownies that don't make you want to throw up because they're so filling

If anybody has good recipes for anything like this, let me know!

 Mondays

How I Met Your Mother, 8:00
Gossip Girl, 9:00
The Big Bang Theory, 9:30

Wednesdays

Glee, 9:00

Thursdays

Flashforward, 8:00
The Office, 9:00
Fringe, 9:00
Grey's, 9:00 (AKA Friday Hulu)
30 Rock, 9:30
Private Practice, 10:00
The Mentalist, 10:00

Dear ABC, please don't even consider putting Lost on Thursday nights. And please put it back in its 10:00 spot so they can show lots of bloody smoke monster maimings and dirty dirty Jex.  Love, me.

 Some of you may have seen the picture I posted on Twitter the other day of the inside of my freezer. At the time, it contained only an entire ice cream cake and a bottle of vodka.

By the way, SAD STORY. I took that mondo bottle of Skyy to a fourth of July party, and right as I was going in, the paper bag in which I was carrying it broke and glass (and, more importantly, vodka) spilled all over the sidewalk.  Major buzzkill.  Luckily the Jack Daniels was in a plastic bottle and survived long enough to be consumed by me in an embarrassing and patriotic debacle of epic proportions.

Anyway.

I am also officially in car-savings mode.  I have plane tickets to go to my parents' for Labor Day weekend.  My dad is going to be the middleman on this deal and find me a car between now and then, which I will then purchase from him.  (Right now, I'm thinking a Hyundai Accent 2-door hatchback.  My dad is thinking a Toyota Corolla.  Something in that vein--cheap and easy to parallel park.)

Anyway, in light of being in car-savings mode, my eating habits needed to change.  Let me tell you, it is really hard to justify the mess of cooking for one.  Also, after you've cooked a whole meal and then consumed it, you really don't want to then have to clean up.  And I don't have a dishwasher, so it's an extra pain.  It's SO EASY to justify takeout.

But do you know how much cheaper it is to eat at home????

Holy crap, Kraft mac and cheese is 74 cents a box.  How is that even possible??  I didn't know there was anything in the entire country that could be purchased for under a dollar anymore.

So I budgeted $50 a week in groceries for the next two months, which should leave me enough money for a vehicle.  I got enough food for two weeks today and I only spent $77.  Pretty good, right?  That means I can go out twice in the next two weeks and still hit my budget.

It also means I have to cook here.  Ughhhh.

 The casting sides for "Harbingers in a Fountain" were released today, and there are a couple of spoilery doozies to be had.

But first, can we just rejoice for a moment at the wonder that is the first day of spoilers? I love it. June sucks for TV fans, as it's pretty much a dead zone for news and material. But July--ah, July! Not only are sides starting to trickle in, but we'll also start getting good scoop from Comic-Con and the TCA tour and the accompanying parties. (TCA time is one of Mae's and my favorite times of the year.) Not to mention Emmy nominations come out very soon, and before you know it, it'll be premiere time, and everything will be back to normal and HOORAY.

Okay, onto the goods.

(clicky clicky clicky analysis)

( that episode should have been called  )

 So you know how Herbal Essences has about a thousand & one varieties?  And each one is a different scent and a different "specialty"?

Well, I have always thought that was just a scam to make you think you need a very specific shampoo.

But, no, it's real.

I usually use the "long-term relationship" variety (shampoo and conditioner for long hair).  But a couple weeks ago, I was drawn to the new moisturizing variety in the pretty pink matte bottles.

AND IT DID HORRIBLE THINGS TO MY HAIR.

Like straw.  It felt digusting even when it was wet.  And it was like no matter what, I couldn't get it to rinse out.  All I could do with it was like messy sex hair, because it was just like a huge gross pile of straw.  And the ends were all gross.  Finally yesterday I was like, fuck it.  I'll spend another $10 and go get my regular stuff, even though this bottle is only, like 1/4 empty.

Well, my tried-and-true long-hair formula worked miracles in one wash.  My hair is soft and shiny and weightless and has lift at the roots and my split ends aren't so splitty anymore.  Oh I'm so happy.

Question: In an episode of Grey's, Meredith says she cuts her own split ends.  Is this really doable?  Because it seems like I could handle that, but if I hear one horror story about that time you tried to cut your own split ends and ended up looking like Kate Gosselin, then I'll never try it.

You know what's ridiculous?

How many damn Post-Its I have.  I have a slight obsession with Post-Its, and so people buy them for me a lot.  I am always excited to get Post-Its, and yet I seem to use them at a much slower rate than I accumulate them.  The result--

 "It was always easy and fun being Amy's mother.  I remember when she was 4 and her preschool had What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up Day. Of the 25 little girls, 24 said, 'Mommy,' and only one said, 'Magician.'  So I knew I had someone special." - Eileen Poehler

A public service announcement from Caroline:

Don't use the word "literal" or "literally" when you don't mean it.

Correct usage: It was surprising that last season, "The Frozen Donkey Wheel" was literally a frozen donkey wheel.

Incorrect usage: It is literally raining cats and dogs.  (Unless it really is.  In which case, holy God, something terrible has happened.)

I've been on a posting rampage in the last few days:

Aaron Sorkin might return to TV with a show based on a concept I supported two years ago.  (BTS at a news program.)

Lost's new promotional shots for "The Variable" are full of squee.

Snippets from the Lost finale contain good and bad news.  (You'd be surprised to hear that the good news involves a beat-down.)

I reimagine Sports Night for the 21st century.

The Office's newest promotional pictures (one in particular) have me in a tizzy.

I've been shot by Cupid's arrow.

If you meet the following criteria, you are a candidate for my highly amusing daily email updates:

1. You love Bones.
2. You are familiar with THE SPOILER for the season finale.
3. You like pictures.
4. You are bored.

I've been sending Leigh and Mae daily emails regarding THE SPOILER.  Just pictures and a few words.  Leave a comment with your email address and you, too, can experience the adorable.

To Tamara Taylor, etc:

To "flush out" something is to force something into the open.

To "flesh out" something is to further develop it, as an idea.

Perhaps next season, we will see Booth and Brennan's relationship both fleshed out and flushed out.

But get this one right, please.

Thank you.

Jaime's pregnant?  Wait, you're having sex?

Is it bad that I'm legitimately upset?

If you want David Boreanaz to answer your burning Bones question, click here to go to EW.com and submit a question.

Possible inquiries include:

"How do you live with yourself?"

"How do you sleep at night?"

And the ever-popular:

"Do you think hooking up with Emily is going to be like you picture it in your mind?"

he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening

i heart sara bareilles--and this song is so demily.

oh, and sawyer loves juliet and brings her flowers and she cooks him dinner.

Here's a story about how awesome I am.

Today I took Freckles to the dog park while my cleaning lady was at the apartment.  Freckles is so enthusiastic around people that she just gets in the way and wastes everyone's time.  So I took her to the park.  Upon arriving home an hour and a half later, I found that the cleaning lady was gone--and had locked me out of my apartment.

See, there's a deadbolt on the door that only locks from the inside.  She must have locked the deadbolt, then let herself out through the landlord's house upstairs.  Now, the deadbolt definitely wasn't *locked* when she got there, so I'm a little pissed that she locked it to begin with, but that's neither here nor there.

I called my landlord, who I knew was out, but I figured I might as well leave a voicemail and hope he calls back with a strategy for me to get it or a promise that he's going to come home soon.

I go through the back alley and realize that the gate to our back fence is super-locked.  I cannot get through this way.  Even if I could, I'm not sure my keys work in the back door.

Don't forget that I also had Freckles, so it's not like I could just go to Starbucks and wait it out.  Also, Freckles has just been to the park, so she is dirty and smelly and very, very thirsty.  I have a cell phone, but I don't have my wallet, so we couldn't get in a cab and go somewhere or anything.

Meanwhile, a homeless fellow comes by spewing nonsense and getting a little too close for comfort.  Freckles is, of course, incredibly interested in him.  I am frustrated.

I realize I have two options.

One: Sit on the stoop and cry while I wait for the landlord to get home.

Two: Hop the back fence.

I thought to myself "What would Sydney Bristow do?"

She would jump the fence.

So we go back into the alley, which is kind of sketchy.  I tie Freckles to a pole and survey the fence.  This isn't your average fence.  It's an eight-feet-tall wood privacy fence, with no divots or anything to use as footholds.  I jump up, grab the top of the fence, and pull myself up.  This alone is a feat.  I swing myself up and over the fence and drop down into the dirt in the back yard.  I manage to unlock the gate, which is all rusty and screechy, so I can untie Freckles.

I wish I could say that I had to pick the lock on the back door, but the cleaning lady had, gasp, left it unlocked.  How's that for irony?

Anyway, Freckles and I are safely inside now, and she is sleeping in the big red chair while I enjoy a Coke and a brownie.  I'm so proud of myself I could throw up.

I've been joking for months about how the digital converstion is going to be Y2K9, ultimately crippling our broadcast system and preventing us from getting important news in the event of an immediately-following national emergency.  It's a pretty serious issue for a lot of reasons, but I'm mostly just kidding about it being Y2K9.

Well, today, I realized just how serious this problem could be.

mysticxf told a story today about her cable accidentally getting cut.  The cable company is not being speedy about coming to fix the problem.  My first thought was, "Oh, man, that sucks."  Because what if they don't come out by Wednesday and she doesn't get to watch Jack and Kate have all the kissing?

Well, then my very rational brain remembered that if push came to shove, you can just bunny ears that shit.  I've done this probably three times in the past three years.  During cable outages, which are rare occurrences in DC, I've relied on an antenna to watch critical episodes.  It's a solid backup to have.

And then I remembered...oh shit.  Once the digital conversion hits--no more backup bunny ears.  If your cable goes out, you're Huluing that episode of Bones tomorrow.  You're hitting refresh on ABC.com in the middle of the night trying to watch the new episode of Lost.

We're all screwed.

In other news, I felt bad about feeding Freckles late because I went to dinner and didn't get back until about 9, so I added a scrambled egg to her dog food.  She just let out the biggest, smelliest, eggtastic fart in the history of dog farts.  What a lady.

Little Freckles does not like being in her cage.  She cries and cries whenever I put her in there.  Today, she got herself so worked up in the cage that she threw up.  Gross, but proving that she is, after all, a Jater.

She's also okay.  I checked her out.  I seriously think she just got way worked up.